Well I think this is a wonderful scheme, we close all the public toilets and pay other people to let you use theirs. All those places with notices up saying "toilets for customer use only" will suddenly welcome you in, particularly the public houses, they have been having a hard time lately withe smoking ban an all, and would welcome the extra cash. I know when the scheme was suggested the idea was to supliment the public loos with private ones, but hey we're thinking outside the box, and so will you be, looking for one, ha, ha, thats a good one, innit, eh.

This council is not flush with money, and getting people to pee in someone elses garden seems a good idea to me, after all pubs are used to having hoards of drunk beer swillers peeing all the time. Some times I wish you lot would go and pee in someone elses garden, ha, ha, ha, ha, geddit, eh! But seriously we dont want to become a third world country with people peeing in the street, do we.

I know we said Camden had closed all its loos, and, well, we stretched the truth there a bit, and I know we said we would not close any till the scheme was set up, you spotted that one as well, no harm done though and we have got to save the pennies. This will be a better scheme all round, especially if we can get the people who sign up to stay in the scheme, they have no obligation, but we can throw money at them, that always seems to work when things go wrong. They had to go because we employ people to look after them, and thats money we dont get money back from the government to pay for them as they are non statutory, ie we don't have to provide them, we are just doing you a favor.

Our existing loos had to go, I know the audit Commission said they were value for money, and we were making publicity out of them in the house magazine. But like I said, we have no statutary obligation to provide them, but thats not the reason they are going, there is no obligation to pay councilors either but we do. Some of you think we are taking the piss, but that is just not true, someone else is this time.

We have signed up some wonderful places to pee in, pubs ( over eighteen smart dress only, the poor any young can do the other thing ), libraries ( I know there are no signs but we don't want them overused you might notice the lack of book on the way through ), and lots of parks ( again I know these are council premises and were public loos already, but it pads the list out, and there are so many trees and bushes even if you cannot find the right building ).

I was spurred into this action after seeing a loo in central London that had been turned into a hair dressers, not pubic, ha, ha, ha. With property prices rising so fast our old loos will represent a valuable investment opportunity, for a small business, or a little house, definitely on suite. So the rest of you stop all your whining and complaining, you might be a lone woman, some one who does not drink, a muslim or disabled, just push your way passed the drunks and have a pee, you know you are busting to.